为什么这样子 你拉着我 说你有些犹豫

Hai~~~ a few hours after i wrote the previous entry, i received a break up sms from her. To tell u honestly i was not prepared for this, i thought maybe she is just angry or wat but then i never thought that things would come to this stage. It was our 1 mth anniversary.

It was the same old problem again, but then i felt that the time is really not enough. Within a month to change many things is really not possible. Think i jesus izzit? I asked sheena, alvin, brother bernard and some of my other friends. They also think that to change within a month is not possible. But then i gave my best to meet up with her expectations of me. But then this was not enough. I always give but yet i did not take. Probably this is the first time of my life that i really give a lot. Other people i dun give a damn but for her i am willing to give. But yet every time i open my heart, i always get hurt and this time it really hurts. My heart also not enough space to put this scar haha.

I really love her a lot, for her side i dunnoe but i really cherish this relationship. I could have chose to lie to her that i quit smoking but then i dun want, i can't bear to lie to her. But yet she thinks that everything that i said are lies. I dunnoe but do i really look so bad? I mean i admit i abit ah beng but am i a jerk?

She msged me that can we remain friends? I told her to that i would like to be left alone. To tell u the truth, i dun want to see her again. Brother Bernard told me to cool down first, and meet her up to talk. Talk about what went wrong, what is her expectations of me intially, what was the timeframe that was needed for me to change blah blah blah. Sit and talk like adults, easier said then done, i am not sure whether i can take another blow or not. The fear of rejection is so real that it really cuts me up. The agony, the pain, the sorrow, the anger, mashed up into one. If she rejected me intially, the pain is just one percent but things have come to this, i feel that i lost everything.

I smoked a lot for the past few days, dunnoe why the more i smoke the more sad i am. Probably due to the reason that this was part of the reason to break up. Why did i pick up smoking in the first place?! Life can be so cruel, the past always comes to haunt you like a shadow behind you. The more you run to the light, the longer it gets.

I tink i gonna lie low for these few days, get my mind in order before i plan the next move. Talk to her, remain friends or just zap her away from my life completely? I dunnoe, but i gonna be sad for quite a while though...........



"为什么这样子 你拉着我 说你有些犹豫 怎么这样子 雨还没停 你就撑伞要走 已经习惯 不去阻止你 过好一阵子 你就会回来 印象中的爱情好像顶不住那时间 为什么这样子 你看着我说你已经决定 我拉不住你 他的手应该比我更暖 铁盒的序 变成了日记 变成了空气 演化成回忆 印象中的爱情好像顶不住那时间 所以你弃权''