Hmpt~~~

Recently my friend A is damn pissed with my another friend B. Although i am not very sure what is the reason but it seems like they sort of quarrelled thru sms. One of them is Hmpting away and another 1 thinks that she is siao. Personally i think it is a misunderstanding lar but then i am not very sure what is going on so i will not comment who is rite whu is wrong.

Although i have a very foul mouth but then i often make it a point not to spew vulgarities and say sarcastic words when i am smsing. Its very easy to have misunderstandings when your words is not clean. But of course i am hoping that the 2 will patch up lar, its never easy to be the middle man.

Been feeling sickish the whole week man, just not my week man. Ya signing off liao bye~~~ Can't wait for my O levels to end man haha

Ramblings

I believe those not taking O levels and A levels and those NOT in Tertiary level education would have ended their exams and probably got back their results. Hai~ Still got a month to go for O levels and roughly 2 months to the climb, have not been focusing on studies and have been slacking off a bit in training. The 3 times a week runs have been changing to 2 times and wats worse the school training have not been really intensive enough.

This week i got a shock when i heard that my mountain climbing training will involve Yoga(sounds unbelievable rite).Today a Yoga instructor actually came to train us in stretching our muscles and some out of this world postures. During the 1 hour session, we did exercises and stretching along with some Kitaro-type music. When the session came to the 30 min mark, i was already sweating profusely and can't wait for the hour long torture to end. It was really difficult and more strenous than our normal PE exercises, i rather run the 5 km run than do this. Must do the movements SLOWLY and suck in our stomach when we are doing the abs exercises. By the time the session ended my legs was shaking already. Nxt time should ask the St Margaret girls to do this haha, they looked so frail and i believe they dun exercise. Or maybe even Pastor haha(he have been concious about his shape these days)

Nothing much happened, things have been slow probably people are caught up during exams. Church have been preaching about Kings, Kingship and priesthood for the whole of last month and this month. Living your own identity blah blah blah, layi loi yita blah blah, a bit sick of hearing that already(no offence though) Maybe should really wait until the end of my Os den i can really prepare for the climb. Not thinking a lot these days, i have been sleeping more these days. End of this month, the St margaret girls invited me and daryl to their fair in their school(on the 31st i tink). Well daryl is anxious about it(again), and me well i am pretty cool about it. Well i have been "exclusively booked" by huimin, so i haf to go. Hey i charge $50 an hour u noe, u tink hiring a clown is cheap izzit? hahha. Somemore an handsome clown is more expensive mar (pukesss).

Well signing off liao, dun worry all of u no matter wat grades u get or how horrible your grades, i still regard you as my friend dun worry. So take care all of you and HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY HAR~~~~~~

I wonder what made me changed?

I watched the thai movie My Girl last week. In the movie, the boy have a female friend which is the same age as him. They played together and was practically stuck on each other until the boy changes his mind.

When i was watching this movie, i was reminded of my childhood days. I spent my weekends in the temple during my childhood days and i had childhood friends. We played and fought with each other there, we practically grew up together. Like the boy in the movie, i had a "female friend" haha. She was older than me by a year. Although she don't have pigtails and rosy cheeks but she was kind hearted and shared things with me. I was the youngest and the cutest(ahem) of the "boy gang", i was often alienated and bullied. Whenever she got something good from her mother, she would share it with me. I remember 1 time when the adults was not around, we played a couple, she was my wife and i was her hushand. we held hands, kissed(i am not kidding you), and hugged. That time i was damn young then, did not know that these things need a "parental guide advised" rating on it. Come to think of it, maybe the boys are jealous of me, thats y they bully me haha.

At that time, nothing material in this world mattered, attention, money,fame and popularity. Just me and her, innocent, carefree and childish. When i was bullied, she will come and play with me. When she was scolded by her hot-tempered mum, she would come to me. She came from a single-parent family, her hurt and hate was not evident then, but then somehow fate have put us together. Maybe she was the only 1 that could sense the hurt and hate within me then, and we was healing each other wounds.

She left my life when i was 11, she started to go to temple irregularly and stopped coming all together. After she left, i was starting my adolescent years and it was hell. Looking at the present me and the childhood me, it was really really a big change. I wonder did she change a great deal too? From a innocent, jovial and a happy kid to a hateful,spiteful and a heck care young man. I wonder what have made me changed? Was it the circumstances? Was it the adults? Or was it just myself? Years and years of hate compressed inside me, making me a wreck, been wanting to let go but the nightmares just won't stop. Sometimes people ask me y i don't want to find a stead. I would jokingly tell them lame reasons. Actually i have not found the courage to love someone, scared of going near someone. I have faced rejection all my life, scared that i may not be good enough for that someone. I have defence mechanisms in my heart, shooting down anyone who goes near including Jesus.

I wonder who can heal the hurt and hate within me, even the closest of friends have only soothed my wounds. I have been waiting for this person my whole life, but somehow i knew it may never happen.